Episode Six – See Dick Be A Dick

The Disgruntled Life Coach Podcast - Episode Six.

Welcome to the Disgruntled Life Coach Podcast. And, like last week, I want to talk to you again about supporting your local artist, but specifically local women artists who are struggling disproportionately more than everyone else right now. Again, it doesn't matter if it's music, other performance art, visual art including digital, and poetry and writing - just find a female artist you like and buy some art. Seriously, find the resources and share your good fortune. And, like last time, do that thing today please. Yes, TODAY, and hey, thanks.

Okay, so here we are at perhaps the most important of all the pillars. So why is numbered at five you ask? Well, if you were paying attention, which I know you weren't Dave, these are not numbered in any specific order numerically, alphabetically, or in order of significance, magnitude, or importance. I understand that different areas of self-improvement are more important personally, so I leave it to you to find the areas that work best for you once you stop playing with yourself. The only reason I think this pillar is so important is because it intersects with every other pillar in some manner, and that is what we're going to explore.

We're going start at Pillar #2 - don't be rude, because I get asked about the difference between being a dick and being rude. And when I say I "get asked" I mean that once, like one time, someone asked. But it still counts. And the answer is that rudeness doesn't necessarily require you to be a dick, though sometimes it  happens. Being a dick has, attached to it, every time, the need to gain from the action, rudeness can happen without that. Being a dick is always meant to either achieve some gain for the actor, or for the actor to diminish others. Always.

I'm not going to go to far with rudeness because episode 3 already went there, and you can review if you need to, but suffice to say that someone can be a dick without being rude. There is no better example of this than when dickishness intersects with pillar #4 - don't be uninformed. So, picture a family reunion - I know you don't want to, but humour me. There's always that one cousin, uncle or aunt who is sure that he or she knows absolutely everything about a topic. For example we'll say the topic is advanced hamster feces management, though it's more likely to be something like how vaccinations cause fewer full moons per year and cause an increase in jellyfish populations or some other bullshit. Anyway, they repeat the ridiculous misinformation they have, interrupt others while doing it, especially women, and always have the last word, even though the depth of their knowledge is an undocumented facebook post and some scribbles on the back of an Arby’s napkin – telling in and of itself really. Although harmless in context, this is the kind of passive info-regurgitation   activity that spreads misinformation and disinformation and causes others to believe the same bullshit – as discussed in my last podcast. It's also socially and intellectually vacant. So, you know, don't be this person.

Just one more point on the uninformed topic is the rare occasion when you are actually informed, but then you force everyone in the room to recognize just how fucking right you are. Dr. Ingrid Clayton, in an article from Psychology Today, equates always trying to be right with feeling in control. But that control is an illusion, and not being able to back down, even if you know you're right, causes you emotional harm. Not everyone will listen, care, or even understand, your truth, so let it go, be free, and choose being happy over being right. Well, your best version of being happy anyway.

Let's move on the pillar # 3 - don't be in a rush. As before, I already tackled this more deeply in episode #4, but there are some specifics about being a dick that you really should pay some attention to. This is when, because of your bad planning, you try to entice or force others to put your interests ahead of theirs. You don't need an example of this because you've probably already seen some dick doing this to people just this week, maybe even today. This, like the intersection with don't be uninformed, is a passive level of being a dick, and usually emerges from shortsightedness, poor planning and lack of fibre in your diet. It's still harmful to those around that person and, as before, if it’s you, maybe you should not do this.

In logical order, I'm moved to mention pillar #6 - Don't ask others to do what you don't want to do. This is classic dick behaviour and has it's roots in being lazy, and a bit with pillar #7 as well, don't be self centred. I'm not going spend a lot of time on these either because I have upcoming episodes scheduled to address those specific areas. Suffice to say that you really need to be accountable for your work, your goals, and your responsibilities, and it's kind of dickish to offload your stuff because you have the planning skills of a walking dead zombie, almost. More in later episodes, but just know I'm looking at you right now, I totally am.

I'm also not going to touch too much on the first pillar about not making excuses because, more likely as not, the excuses are used to smooth over something that you did WHILE being a dick. Also, I did already touch on this in episode 2 in case you need a refresher, or, you know, have nothing better to do, or, possibly, you're avoiding your family reunion and all that banjo music.

So how do you know you're being a dick? And, once you know, is there anything you can do about it? The answer is not as simple as it usually is, but let's look at a few options to help separate the you acting like a dick from you being a normal human being, or close anyway.

There are, very loosely, three categories from which we can approach this topic. The first is that you just don't know you're being a dick, and you would like to, you know, not be that. So here's the super secret trick: ask one of your friends. They always know. If they say that, yeah, sometimes you can be a bit of a dick, think about the times that you do that, and stop. It's that easy. If they say you're a jerk to your server at restaurants, stop doing that. If they say you sound like a jerk with your stupid jokes at dinner parties, shut your lasagna hole or learn some new, better jokes. It might take some work, but the payoff is you can stop being a dick. That's payment enough.

The second category is that you either already know you're a dick, or someone told you that you were, and you don't really think it matters. But it does matter, just like the expiry date on milk matters, or the blood/alcohol level for legal driving matters, or who shot J.R. matters. If you don't think it matters, you're one of those people who would rather be right than happy, and you have to find out why don't want to live life like a social human. Read up about your issues, seek help, get more leafy greens in your diet, but for the sake of us all, please don't just continue to be a dick. If you continue down the road to advance dickhood, you'll find the only people who want to be around you are other dicks, and then you're life will look more like a bad soap opera. Just know, like drinking lumpy milk from the carton, choices have consequences.

The third category is that you have some psychopathology that predisposes you to being a dick, some kind of sociopathology or narcissistic condition. Now, I'm not a psychologist, hell I'm not even a certified life coach, although I am making great progress in my Acme Life Coaching Certification for Mammals program, more on that in future episodes, but I digress. Psychopathology is complex and nuanced. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM–5) lists a number of disorders that may make you appear extremely dick-like, and just knowing about it will not lead to any self-help success. In the case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, even though there is some question as to the actual existence of such a specific condition, many of the attributes lend themselves to appearing very dick-like. According to the Mayo Clinic in relation to this psychopathology, those with this disorder have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, become impatient or angry when they don't receive special treatment, have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted, and take advantage of others to get what they want, just to mention a few. That last one is really important in relation to pillar #6 - Don't ask others to do what you don't want to do and we'll discuss this in more detail in the next episode. Still. If this is you, the only help is to find a way to know you need help, and get real, clinical assistance, not some casual bullshit advice from some podcasting, fly-by-night life coach. Seriously, go find help.

As you can see, being a dick isn't always about just crossing a line, it can be a symptom of something bigger, just like that rash on your inner thigh. In most cases though, it's entirely visible, knowable and correctable - like white-out for you life mistakes. Fuck, does anyone even know what white-out is anymore. Anyway, for most of you, better planning, awareness of social norms and a bit of goddamn empathy can cure most of your dickish behaviour, and I highly encourage you to get in touch with your inner nice human and just, you know, stop being that dick.

Okay, so that's it for this episode. As always, I'll leave you with a Disgruntled nugget in a second, but first I want to thank you for listening. Remember to subscribe to this podcast, I’m on all your favourite podcast platforms, and also available on my website www.disgruntledlifecoach.ca. Please also follow me on twitter @lifedisgruntled, there's a link on my website and if you DM me with your postal info, I’ll send you some DLC stickers! Also, if you like what you've heard today, tell your friends. If you think this is ridiculous, still, tell your friends, I mean how hard is that.

Disgruntled Nugget

There's an old saying that states: "Don’t Wait Until It Rains To Build Your Ark”. And, of course, that's only true if you know you're going to get a lot of rain, because if you build it before it rains, then it doesn't rain enough to move your ark, what the hell do you do with a goddamn ark? And although they also say it's better to have it and not need it, then to need it and not have it, it's clear that they never had to maneuver a fucking lawn mower around a stupid ark. I say buy the materials and plans for your ark and, if it starts to really rain, build your ark in the rain, or build some social housing, or something, I don't know, whatever...

Again, thanks for listening, and thanks also to Audionautix and Partners in Rhyme for music and sound FX, thanks again to Neatnik for visuals, and thanks for your patience - see you in two weeks, or not, whatever...