Episode One – An Introduction To Your Disgruntled Life

The Disgruntled Life Coach Podcast, Episode One.

You're listening to episode 1. Today, we'll talk about why this podcast exists and why it's important, or will be important, to your life. The main segment will be focused on the seven pillars of better disgruntled living, and then we'll end with a disgruntled nugget of wisdom. Let get started.

Welcome to the Disgruntled Life Coach podcast. I'm your host, you can call me Coach. We're going to start this podcast a bit differently than future podcasts. Usually, we'll start with an anecdote that illustrates the pillar or topic that we're discussing. But I thought I would start this Premier episode off by telling you what to expect.

Firstly, I'm still working my way through the Acme Corporation Life Coaching Certification for Mammals process, so not certified - I think you should take that as a plus because, I mean, certification? Seriously? Holy shit. But really, I'm working really hard, and I've got some great ideas.

Secondly, yeah, I swear from time to time, so be an adult about it. I know you're here for some guidance and insight, and you'll get that, but you gotta work with me a bit here. I'll try to control it, but some things just need that kind of language.

Also, I have to make some promises here. I promise that no podcast will ever exceed 20 minutes, and most be will closer to 15 minutes because anything longer and you just don't have time for that shit. 20 minutes. Also, on the website you'll see a link to my YouTube page where videos will appear – sporadically and like kinder surprises and likely really infrequently, but they'll never be longer than five minutes and, again, same friggin' reason as all of the above. Also, these podcast will drop once every 2 weeks, or bi-weekly as I like to say.

All I'm trying to do is make the world a better place one disgruntled client at a time. Disgruntled doesn't mean nasty or awful, it's just means you see the world as the steaming pile of former poodle dinner it really is, a world that needs more people to better human beings.

That's it, now, on to the show.

So, let's get right to it. I have a philosophy, I guess. Or a framework, I think, depends if you're a public servant or not. Either way, I've based my life coaching on some basic pillars. There are seven of them. This episode I will go through each one and summarize its importance and how it fits into the disgruntled life experience. In future episodes I will dedicate entire segments to a deep dive into the individual pillars, and won't that be the highlight of your day!

For now, let's just look at each one and summarize. I'll briefly recap at the end for those with attention span issues. I'm not judging you, just sayin' ...

Pillar one - Don't make excuses.
So, here's the thing: I did NOT put these in any numerical order in terms of importance. That would have been clever, and, you know logical, so not really my wheel house. Having said that, the No Excuses pillar is pretty important. Generally, it simply means that you should just blame yourself when you make a decision that turns out to be less than optimal. When your neighbour tells you it's perfectly safe to buy a 1974 Ford Pinto - it's not your neighbours fault for buying it, it's yours. Own it. This is not rocket science because, inside, you already know. If you point to someone else as an excuse for your failure, you already know, in your black, black heart, that it's you all along.

Pillar two - Don't be rude.
You might think this has to do with Karma, but you already know, after blaming your neighbour for your Pinto's fiery crash, that you're already Karma overdrawn. No, this has more to do with making the world a little less shitty. If you see someone waiting for a parking spot, and you could so totally grab the spot when the previous parker is backing out - just don't do it. Don't. That's rude. If you don't get your fuckin' awful double-double and, instead, get someone's ass-licking red rose tea, don't freak out on the employee - their job already sucks. Just explain the issue and move on. It's really not that hard to, you know, not be rude. 

Pillar three - Don't be in a rush.
I know this sounds like it should be further down the list, but if you were paying attention like I asked in the first place, you would have known that it's not in the order of importance. And why are you in such a rush to get through the list anyway? See why it's important? So this is exactly why this is a pillar. Being in a rush leads to making excuses, which leads to you being rude. It's all connected. You know, in your punctured, mouldy soul, that the only time you berate other drivers, albeit from the safety of your own car, is when you're in a rush to get somewhere. Half your new fence in your backyard looks great, the other half looks like a small group of temple monkeys ransacked the paint store because you had to watch the "Epic" opening pitch of some single A baseball team that you had free tickets to see. Was that worth the rush? Odd are your spouse says fuck no.

Pillar four - Don't be uninformed.
Okay, this has more to do with how you see the world, not necessarily always how stupid you look in it. It comes down to this: don't pretend you know shit when you don't. That's it. And, spoiler alert, seeing something on the intertubes DOES NOT count as informed. This is related to don't be in a rush in that, if you hear or read something, think about it carefully before repeating as if it was some sort of physical law of the goddamn universe. Seriously, your search engine can help you find shitty facts easily, but it can also help you find out if those shitty facts are lies too. Take the time to be informed, because if you don't, you look like a dick.

Pillar five - Don't be a dick.
So, as if you need me to tell you what people have been telling you your whole friggin' life. And it really is as simple as it sounds. Re-gifting that grotesque maple-scented candle back to the person who gave it to you because you're too stupid to keep track - you're a dick. Selling your damaged garden hose (and you know it's damaged because you ran over it with your fuckin' Pinto!) to your neighbour and then laughing when it breaks and gets him and his barbecue guests soaked - you're a dick. Taking that old guys parking spot and thinking it's hilarious because you're in a rush, but it's really because you think it's actually just funny - you're a dick. Almost everything bad in this world happens because someone is a dick. So really, this is a key pillar right here - just do not be a dick. Don't. Don't be a dick.

Pillar six - don't ask others to do what you don't want to do.
Now this pillar is a bit more nuanced than some of the other pillars, but it's really important that you see why it's a pillar. If you want something, and you don't want to do whatever it takes to get that something, that something should just remain, you know, NOT yours. If you're not willing to do the work, possibly hard, shitty, dirty work, to get something that you value, then you don't value it enough. And if you get someone ELSE to do that hard, shitty, dirty work - just so you can have that thing, at the very least you don't need or deserve it, at worst, you're a dick. If you need to do a task because you need or want something, or if you fucked up and you need to do, say, give something to make it up - then suck it up up buttercup, and do what you need to do. No one said life is easy. Don't run to others because you can't handle what you need to do, even if it means towing the burned out wreckage of your '74 Pinto out of your mother's backyard pool. 

Pillar seven - Don't be self-centred.
Again, this is both nuanced and self-explanatory. The world is not here for you. The people who live in your community don't secretly serve the "Great Pinto God of Fire." You are a part of the world, and a pretty small and insignificant part as well, if I can say that. It's okay, I say it to myself too, just with less vitriol. But still, you have to think of others whenever you make a decision. Really, you do. There are lots of people who need things more than you do, you should share those, or give them away. Don't be wasteful, don't horde stuff that other could use. It's really simple. The whole "it's better to give than receive" is actually true, and if you just tried it once in while, instead of packing your basement with 20 boxes of perfectly wearable clothes that you kept in case you had to clean all those burn marks of the side of your Mother's house, you might find it actually feels good as well. And, really, greed makes you look like a dick. Just sayin' ...

So, to recap:
Pillar one - Don't make excuses .
Pillar two - Don't be rude.
Pillar three - Don't be in a rush.
Pillar four - Don't be uninformed.
Pillar five - Don't be a dick.
Pillar six - don't ask others to do what you don't want to do.
Pillar seven - Don't be self-centred.
And pillar eight? - if you were paying attention you know there is no pillar eight - jesus christ!

Okay, so that's it for this episode. I'll leave you with a Disgruntled nugget in a second, but first I want to thank you for listening. Remember to subscribe to this podcast, and please visit disgruntledlifecoach.ca for all my podcasts (yeah, like one so far!) and my blog. Follow me on twitter @lifedisgruntled, there's a link on my website, and go ahead an subscribe to my YouTube channel to, also linked there. If you like what you've heard today, tell your friends. If you think this is ridiculous, still, tell your friends, I mean how hard is that.

Okay, so here's your disgruntled nugget of the day.

I like to think of my words of inspiration like a lighthouse, guiding your way while sailing through difficult waters at night - like what the actual hell are you thinking? Anyway, like any lighthouse, you can still wreck your boat on the rocks, even when the light is on. It's still you who has to sail the goddamn boat and know where the friggin' rocks are. Remember, no excuses. And always have life jackets and, you know, kindness and don't be rude, and shit.

See you in two weeks back here at the Disgruntled Life Coach - cheer up, or not, I don't care...